


The Silent Regard of Stars

by bamboo_astronaut (A_Lesbian_With_Pink_Hair)



Series: Painted Skies [2]
Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Established Relationship, Love Confessions, M/M, Reunion Sex, mentioned Alisaie/Lyse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-05-02 19:48:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14552205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Lesbian_With_Pink_Hair/pseuds/bamboo_astronaut
Summary: A thousand malms from home, Alphinaud reflects on the situation at hand, and an unexpected visitor makes a long-delayed appearance.





	The Silent Regard of Stars

**Author's Note:**

> Something I wrote when I finished playing 4.2 that I wanted to post before the next patch. I have more written surrounding this pairing. There also will hopefully be an Alisaie/Lyse fic to go along with this but we'll see if my brain cooperates. 
> 
> Note on ages: I can't find any canon source that tells me for sure how long it has been since ARR concluded (when the twins were 16), thus I operate under the belief that there are about two years between ARR and HW, and another two between HW and SB. That would make Alphinaud 18 during Heavensward, 20 during Stormblood, and 21 during this fic. I headcanon Estinien to be around 24 during HW, which makes him approximately 26 years old here.
> 
> Featuring my WoL, Rampaging Star, a Roegadyn dragoon. She's a big buff lesbian and I love her.

The Bokkaido Inn in Kugane is more than happy to accommodate two long-term _ijin_ guests, and so Alphinaud and Alisaie acquire their own private quarters during their extended stay in the city. The Warrior of Light, never one to stay in one place for long, has left them at the Aetheryte Plaza with a stoic nod and a kind smile, as she always does. She promised to return when they summoned her, also as she always does, and vanishes in the flash of a Teleport spell.

Tataru began arranging for the twins’ personal effects to be shipped to the Ruby Bazaar, but in truth both of them have grown used to living light, bringing 2 changes of clothes and basic toiletries with them as they travel, and can usually make do without much else. Anything they desperately need, they can use the aetheryte to pick up and return quickly. Or they can make purchases from the market— _this time_ accompanied by Tataru’s watchful eye.

Alisaie had retired to sleep, exhausted with so much traveling after many weeks of rest. Alphinaud can tell she misses Lyse; the two had grown very close following the liberation of Ala Mhigo—close as often as they could be, sparing time for quiet talks huddled together, walks in the Quarter hand in hand, and on one memorable and unfortunate occasion, caught kissing in the palace corridor by Raubahn and M’Naago as they came to discuss something with their esteemed commander. They had been teased mercilessly for days after. But still, Alphinaud can’t remember a time his sister has been happier.

He himself has his own… closeness. Or he had. He is no longer sure.

Alphinaud remembers the first time he met Estinien Wyrmblood, the Azure Dragoon of Ishgard. He had stood silently at Sir Aymeric’s side, looking menacing in his black armor, spiked helm obscuring his eyes from view. How stoic he had seemed then. How cold. Rampaging had stiffened at Alphinaud’s side; she had met him before, during her own training as a dragoon. And he had succumbed then to the bloodlust of Niddhogg, as he assured them that day he never would again.

He had been incorrect at the time he said that to her. But it is true now.

They had become… something. What exactly was hard to say. But they had become _something_ during their journey to Dravania. Between battles and camping and navigating and moogle chores, there had been lingering glances, soft words spoken over the fire, and most maddeningly, two tents, with two people in each. And as Ysayle and Estinien would each rather die than share, they split up by gender, leaving Alphinaud sleeping just ilms away from the object of his teenage affections. It had been challenging. But then, somehow, eventually, thrilling in a way that Alphinaud had been learning for the first time.

Alphinaud shakes his head, clearing his thoughts. Since leaving Ishgard, and since Estinien had run off from his hospital bed, he hasn’t seen the man. Rampaging had brought him a letter, once, from a brief trip back to the Steppe, where she had encountered him while assisting a dragon in search of its father’s mate. Dragoon business, she had explained, and offered Alphinaud the note.

It had been short, but very sweet, in Estinien’s abysmal handwriting, and Alphinaud had been pleased to know that not only was Estinien safe and well, but that he had been thinking of Alphinaud just as Alphinaud had been thinking of him.

But that was months ago. Alphinaud had suspected that Estinien wasn’t far, but that he had his own goals he needed to achieve. And before Alphinaud knew it, he hadn’t seen Estinien in nearly a full two years.

With a sigh, Alphinaud looks around the simply decorated inn room. There are tatami mats, a low table, a writing desk, a thick down-stuffed comforter on a bed, a cabinet, an armoire… and a back door leading down to the natural hot spring, the _onsen_ overlooking the Ruby Sea.

Despite a long and exhausting day, Alphinaud simply isn’t tired, although he should be, so after a few moments deliberation he strips down to his shorts, grabs a towel from the stack in the armoire, and pads barefoot down the walkway to the water.

The pools, during the day usually full of both bathers and employees, are empty, save for a few people on the far side of the area closer to Kugane’s streets. Alphinaud stays in the back area, back against a stone wall, and slips into the warm bubbling water.

It is heavenly. It had been so long since he had stopped moving, or fighting, or planning, or healing, or anything that the moment his muscles met the hot spring water he could instantly feel every ache and pain he’d been ignoring for months.

He tilts his head to one side and then the other, cracking his neck with a satisfying _pop,_ before sinking down to his chin and staring out over the Sea.

The moon is half full over the water, and the stars twinkle steadily as ever. Below he can hear the sound of the tide coming in, and around him the steady bubbling of the natural spring, the hiss of steam caused by the hot water and the cool night air. Alphinaud tilts his head back against the wall and shuts his eyes, ruminating on what was next.

Supposedly, the Empire would exchange prisoners with Doma. Of course Lord Hien has no choice really; how else will the many conscripted Doman citizens make their way safely home? How else could he hope to achieve this aside from cooperating with the Empire?

And then there was Asahi. Doman by blood, Imperial by creed, a snake in the grass. Alisaie had been convinced of his sincerity in wishing to protect the Doman children. And Alisaie is very difficult to convince. But his tone of voice was incredibly fake sounding the whole time through, and at the very end he had shown Rampaging his true colors with a nasty speech and, according to her description, a rather startling expression on his face, like a man twisted into monstrosity by choice. Which seemed to have been Zenos’ modus operandi overall, so of course his followers would be the same.

There is so much uncertain, and Alphinaud can (and will) analyze the situation from every possible angle… starting in the morning. There is simply nothing he can do now, without his documents in front of him or Tataru’s ready stream of intel available to him.

He sinks down further into the water, up to his nose, and blows some bubbles petulantly, in the privacy of this little corner of the _onsen_. Alisaie is either asleep or going over field reports in her room, and Rampaging is off doing Twelve-knows-what. Important Warrior of Light things. Or, knowing Rampaging, if there is nothing pressing she can think of to be done… she would be headed for Haurchefant’s grave, to visit her dear friend. To tell him of current events. Alphinaud thinks he may be the only person alive who knows she does this frequently.

Very few people can claim to know the Warrior of Light and really, truly know her as a person. Alphinaud feels privileged to be one of just a handful. And he also feels deeply, truly mournful that one of those few people has left them all behind, returned to the Fury’s embrace.

“ _All that power… all that pain… it’s too much for anyone!”_ was what Fordola had said after just the briefest glance at Rampaging’s memories. Everyone else had brushed it off, more focused on Fordola and their next step, but Alphinaud remembers, and he hopes that Rampaging’s trips to visit her friend’s grave are helping her work through her grief.

He blows more bubbles and then leans his head back again, and he sighs. Soon the weather will turn, and perhaps they’ll see some snow in Kugane before they leave. He thinks that would be a lovely sight. He could try to draw it, to show the other Scions another day.

All at once Alphinaud is aware that someone is nearby, and is watching him. He silently curses his decision to leave his weapon behind in his room; he had foolishly believed that Kugane’s strict laws on fighting would deter any potential attackers. He considers acting as though he doesn’t know he’s being watched, and making his way back to his room, testing how far his pursuer will let him move. His heart is pounding; even if he shouted, no one would reach him in time. They would find him in the morning, dead in the spring, and—no. No, Alphinaud has traveled with the Twelve-blessed Warrior of Light, is resourceful, can maneuver himself in a fight, refuses to die here of all places.

He stands up so the water is at his hips, reaches for his towel, and with a deep breath, moves to climb out of the pool, ready to make a run for it if need be.

“That was quick. I’m impressed.”

Alphinaud jumps what feels like ten fulms in the air, splashing back down into the water, heart immediately racing with terror, as he turns to see none other than Estinien Wyrmblood leaning easily against the near wall of the closest building, hair nearly glowing in the moonlight as he regards Alphinaud with interest.

“Twelve pr—exc _use me?_ ” Alpinaud’s voice squeaks out. He’s incredibly relieved, of course, that no one is going to try to kill him, and he’s also overjoyed to see Estinien in person again after so very long, but his heart is also racing furiously because he’d genuinely been preparing to fight for his life and his blood is rushing in his ears.

Estinien smirks. “You noticed I was here almost right away. I used to be able to sneak up on you.”

Alphinaud regards him wide-eyed and still shaking, and Estinien notices that Alphinaud is shaking, and at least has the grace to look sheepish about it.

“Although I… I suppose sneaking up on you at night in a foreign city while you’re unarmed and the Warrior of Light is absent was… not my wisest choice.”

“You—why are you here?” Alphinaud forces out. Then he winces; it comes out angry, accusatory, and he doesn’t mean to.

Estinien looks wounded, but tries to hide it. “I wanted to see you,” he says.

“Oh.”

“Should I… not have come? I, well, Rampaging Star said she would give you my letter, but then I realized you wouldn’t be able to write one back, so…”

Estinien is _nervous._ They haven’t seen each other in nearly two years and he’s _stumbling over his words._

“Estinien,” Alphinaud says, voice softening. “Of course I’m glad to see you. I… I wanted to see you too.”

“I was not sure,” he says, and he says it so quietly Alphinaud can barely hear it. “It has been a very long time, and I didn’t think… I had no expectation that you would wait for me. It would have been more than unfair to disappear and expect you to—“

“But I did,” Alphinaud answers simply. He sees Estinien smile very slightly at that.

Then Estinien has suddenly closed the distance between them, has stepped down into the spring still dressed in his trousers and shirt, and Alphinaud gasps at the speed with which he moved. He may no longer be the Azure Dragoon, but he is still something else, something preternatural and fiendishly quick and strong. His silent and deadly grace has always held Alphinaud hopelessly captive, and it still does after all this time.

“You—“ Alphinaud starts, but then Estinien is kissing him, and he finds any argument or protest or discussion he’d been about to start was gone. It has been _two years_ since Estinien kissed him like this, like he wants to keep Alphinaud right where he is forever until they both run out of air. Alphinaud’s eyes flutter shut as Estinien’s hand caresses his cheek, cups the side of his head gently.

He draws back an ilm and whispers, “I did what was necessary, I did my duty, but oh, I have missed you terribly, sweetling.”

Alphinaud shivers. It is overwhelming to be alone for such a long while and then suddenly have Estinien so close to him. For a moment he thinks of all the things he wants to say, all the things he’d imagined saying upon their reunion, but now he finds that absurd though it may be, all he wants is to be in his lover’s embrace again. So instead of answering, Alphinaud closes the brief distance between them again with another kiss.

Estinien gently coerces him back against the stone wall of the spring, and resumes stealing his breath away. Alphinaud grips the fabric of his lover’s shirt tightly, as if he can anchor Estinien to him permanently. The stone at his back is warm from the water, and it’s as though all his worries from earlier have vanished.

“Alphinaud, I…” Estinien presses kisses to his cheeks, his jaw, his throat, biting at where his pulse is jumping beneath his skin. He sinks his fingers into Estinien’s thick white hair as he kisses lower, tonguing over one of Alphinaud’s nipples, circling the other teasingly with his thumb.

“ _Ohh_ ,” Alphinaud moans. He’d forgotten how _good_ Estinien is at this, how Estinien could keep him close and wanting for _hours_ with his teasing fingers and wicked tongue. And the many times he had. Those are good memories, but he doesn’t think he could bear the wait now. “Please, I can’t… It’s been… I need you _now_.”

Estinien sighs shakily, affected, draws back, and glances over at a small cabinet on the far side of the pool, where the inn’s employees keep supplies.

“Wait one moment,” he says, and climbs out of the water to rummage through the cabinet. Alphinaud watches him, feeling beyond overwhelmed. He’d gone from trying to relax, to thinking he was about to be killed, to reuniting with his long-absent lover, and now his heart is racing because all he wants is for Estinien to be inside of him already.

Estinien returns to him, having shed his shirt and soaking wet trousers, tossing them to wherever he’d stashed his boots earlier.

“Mm,” he hums, glancing down at Alphinaud’s tight swimming shorts deviously, sliding a finger between the wet fabric and Alphinaud’s skin. “I quite like these…”

He steps closer again, putting something down on the edge of the pool and palming over Alphinaud’s arse, long fingers sliding against the cleft teasingly, so close to where Alphinaud wants him desperately. Alphinaud presses back against his hand eagerly with a quiet groan.

“Did you find…?”

He reaches for and displays a bottle of rose-scented massage oil, which Alphinaud looks at for a brief moment before Estinien is tilting it upside-down and pouring it over his fingers.

“Turn around for me,” Estinien says, voice rough with want. Alphinaud turns towards the wall, and Estinien presses his chest along Alphinaud’s back. Where Alphinaud has a hand pressed against the wall, Estinien covers it with his own, locking their fingers together as he slides Alphinaud’s shorts down enough to press a finger against his hole. Alphinaud whimpers, trying to press back, and Estinien shushes him.

“Aah… that’s… so much better than…”

“Hm? Than what?”

Estinien adds a second finger, a little too soon, and it burns deliciously.

“Better… than…”

“Aha…I see. While I was gone, you settled for your own fingers.”

“ _Yesss_ ,” Alphinaud hisses as Estinien finds his prostate expertly. “Yes, I, I wanted, but it wasn’t… enough…”

“Mm. You need me to fill you up right,” Estinien rumbles, and he bites at the back of Alphinaud’s bowed neck. “Just me…“

“Just you,” Alphinaud agrees deliriously. “It has to be you.” There are three fingers stretching him now, and his legs are trembling. Estinien notices, takes his hand from where they’re clasped together and presses his palm against Alphinaud’s front; the span of his fingers encompasses most of his chest; his grip is like iron, and Alphinaud feels blissfully at his mercy as he rests his forehead against the wall, his hands balled into fists on the stone.

Estinien pours oil over his own cock and slowly begins the insistent slide into Alphinaud’s tight entrance, and with every ilm Alphinaud feels something within him settle. _This is right_ , he thinks, _this feels exactly right_.

When he’s in as far as he can go, Alphinaud releases a sigh he didn’t realize he’d been holding. It has been 2 years since he’s felt this, and it’s so, so good. But as much as he doesn’t ever want it to be over, they are outside in a semi-public place.

“W-we should be quick,” he says softly. “No one’s here, but someone could be.”

Estinien growls and thrusts against Alphinaud, who gasps at the sudden motion, and Estinien picks up a nearly-punishing pace. As Estinien slides into him at just the right angle, Alphinaud’s control over his voice gives way to a desperate sort of whimpering, soft little desperate cries which Estinien rewards by reaching around with his free hand to grip Alphinaud in his fist.

Alphinaud had once, a long time ago, worried that he wasn’t reciprocating enough in these moments, but he’d long since figured out that Estinien likes it best like this, with someone to take care of, to please as fully as he can.

“Estinien,” Alphinaud gasp, nails digging into his own palms as he braces against the wall. “Estinien, I—“

“S’fine, come on Alphinaud…”

“I don’t… I don’t want it to be over,” Alphinaud admits between breaths.

“It won’t be,” Estinien promises. “Not for as long as you’ll have me.”

Alphinaud moans, ducking his head down, eyes shut. He trusts Estinien when he says things like that; Estinien never says what he doesn’t mean.

“Come on, sweetling, look at you… all stretched open on my cock, like you were made for it…”

Estinien always talks more when he’s close, Alphinaud remembers.

Estinien’s hand on him is rough from a lifetime of battle, and he always touches Alphinaud just right, and Alphinaud’s whole body trembles with it as he finally tips over and comes into Estinien’s hand. Estinien presses a wet, biting kiss between Alphinaud’s shoulder blades, and when Alphinaud is finally spent, Estinien gives a few more harsh thrusts before he follows Alphinaud over the edge.

“By the Fury,” Estinien breathes. “Even after all this time, you still feel…”

Alphinaud whines as Estinien pulls out carefully, and lowers him back into the hot bubbling water to sit. He watches incredulously as Estinien licks his hand clean before sitting to join him in the pool. Estinien dunks his whole head beneath the water childishly before sitting up, and Alphinaud laughs at him as he smooths his wet hair away from his face. Estinien smiles happily as Alphinaud continues to laugh, and then after a time it’s just the two of them in strange silence.

“…I am sorry,” Estinien finally says quietly.

“Sorry?”

“I left.”

“I expected no less of you,” Alphinaud answers. “Ishgard has changed forever. It doesn’t need an Azure Dragoon now. Not the way it used to, although I know Sir Aymeric would be more than pleased to see you hale and hearty. But… when I saw you fidgeting in your sick bed under medical scrutiny, I was sure you would fly from there as soon as you were able.”

“I had to destroy the Eyes. Forever,” Estinien explains. “Imagine my surprise to end up in Ala Mhigo.”

Alphinaud looks up at Estinien with some surprise. “You were in Ala Mhigo as well?”

“I knew when the Griffin had them. And then he was dead and Zenos had the Eyes, and the primal. But I could not get to them. So I… I tried to help. Without giving myself away. I broke their giant cannon, although unfortunately I couldn’t break it before they fired it at the rebels once.”

“I was in the tower when the canon struck,” Alphinaud answers quietly. It had been a horrifying day, the walls crumbling around them. Briefly wondering if he would ever see Alisaie or Rampaging ever again. Knowing his sister would be alone if he didn’t. Knowing that Rampaging would have to bury yet another friend if he died, how it would haunt her. “It was… terrifying.”

“You…” Estinien’s breath catches, his jaw clenches, and he looks both affronted and ashamed. “I should have—“

“No.” Alphinaud shakes his head slightly. “Don’t do that. It was not your fight. I chose to be in that tower knowing they could fire on it. You did not give the command. You did not pull the trigger. And when it was destroyed, it gave Rampaging and Lyse a chance to break in and stop them from firing it ever again.”

“…She is… unlike any other, that Warrior of Light,” Estinien eventually says.

“Yes,” Alphinaud answers with pride. “She is. But she could not do what she does on her own.”

“Well. I did break the cannon. But I could not prevent the summoning of that vengeful dragon-primal. Nor Zenos’ joining with it. And once the Warrior of Light destroyed it, and Zenos cut himself down… all that remained were Nidhogg’s eyes, drained of nearly all their aether. And once they were… It was simple enough to destroy them for good.”

Alphinaud nods thoughtfully, reflecting.

“The Eyes are gone forever, then.”

“Aye.”

“Then… what will you do now?”Alphinaud asks, almost shyly.

“…I…” the dragoon pauses. “I am unsure. Perhaps I owe it to Iceheart to ensure the new friendship between men and dragons is protected. I will go where I am needed, but for now…”

He leans down to kiss the crown of Alphinaud’s head.

“For now, I thought… I would remain nearby.”

Alphinaud smiles. “I would like that very much.”

After a few moments, Alphinaud stands, reaches for his towel, and wraps himself in it as he climbs out of the spring. Estinien follows him wordlessly, snagging a towel of his own from the employee cabinet as well as his pile of damp clothes from the ground beside it, and they walk together back to Alphinaud’s room.

 “Where is your armor?” Alphinaud asks, eyeing the civilian clothes Estinien has with him.

“Not far. Nor my spear.”

Alphinaud nods. It’s strange to see Estinien without armor out of doors.

Estinien ties up his wet hair into a ponytail, and sits gingerly on the edge of the low bed. Alphinaud shimmies out of his wet shorts, leaves them in a laundry pile with the other dirty things. He will take it all to be washed in the morning. It is then he notices Estinien watching him hungrily.

“How can you still…” he begins to say, but even as he starts, he knows it’s nonsense. They’ve been apart for _two years_. There is a great deal to catch up on. Estinien merely looks at him, but his gaze says everything. He walks back over to Estinien, and slides himself into the dragoon’s lap.

“You minx,” Estinien says fondly, palming over Alphinaud’s naked backside. And then he asks, “Did you mean it? What you said.”

“Estinien, you will have to be more specific. I do tend to say a lot of things.”

He chuckles. “Aye, you do. But you said… ‘it has to be you’, and…”

“Oh,” Alphinaud flushes, looks away bashfully. “I mean, that is, in—in the heat of the moment, it—“

“Is that what you want?” Estinien asks, voice low and rumbling in a way that always makes Alphinaud’s pulse speed up. His hand is resting on the curve of Alphinaud’s upper thigh, thumb tracing back and forth over sensitive skin, slowly and steadily. It is incredibly distracting.

“I don’t mean to presume anything. Or hold you back in a way you would resent.”

“Alphinaud.”

“I know that you have a great many worries to take care of, and that you might—“

“ _Alphinaud._ ”

“What. I. Yes?”

Estinien takes Alphinaud’s face gently between his hands, looks into his eyes with a gentleness that is surprising them both in equal measure. He kisses Alphinaud once, very quickly, soft and fleeting, and it feels just like the very first time Estinien kissed him.

“I will not bother telling you,” he says softly, “all the reasons why you should choose someone else.”

“I will not listen if you do.”

“I know. And I’m attempting something new for myself.”

“What’s that?”

“Selfishness. I completed my mission as the Azure Dragoon of Ishgard,” he says. “And now I want something for me.”

“And…” Alphinaud whispers, “what do you want?”

“The same thing that you do,” Estinien answers. “It has to be you. For as long as it has to be me.”

Alphinaud finds himself smiling, pressing his forehead against Estinien’s gently. He closes his eyes, and allows himself to be present in this moment and nowhere else in the world. This is right, and he feels at peace despite the state of things and—and he feels the word he has considered for two years, the word that somehow always changes things in unexpected ways. He’d always been led to believe that it was difficult or terrifying to say no matter how much you did or did not mean it.

But Alphinaud isn’t afraid of it at all, not of what he feels, not of what he wants to say. He rarely is.

“Estinien, I love you,” he murmurs.

Estinien’s mouth crashes against his in a wave of heat and softness that Alphinaud finds overwhelming. Estinien’s arms are around him, holding them together in an embrace Alphinaud couldn’t break if he tried, and he would never try. He grasps at the strands of Estinien’s damp hair, slides a hand between Estinien’s shoulderblades, hand spread across the width of his broad back, as much of it as he can touch at once. His fingers trace over old battle scars, and some new ones, and he thinks he’ll have to find the time to learn them all again.

Estinien pulls Alphinaud down onto the bed with him, kissing him so fully and so desperately that Alphinaud wonders if he’ll ever have a chance to breathe again, and then whether or not it’s even worth stopping this feeling to do it. It isn’t, he decides, as his senses are overwhelmed completely by his lover pressed down over him.

“Say it again,” Estinien growls against Alphinaud’s throat, sounding desperate rather than demanding.

“Ah,” Alphinaud answers. “I, I love you, Estinien…”

“You love me.”

“Yes I do,” he gasps as Estinien sinks a hand into Alphinaud’s hair and tugs, gently, but forcing him to tilt his head back so Estinien can mouth unrelentingly at the pale lines of Alphinaud’s throat. Alphinaud is positive now that Estinien is marking him, marking him where his clothes won’t hide the bites and bruises, so the entire population of Kugane will see him and know he belongs to someone. To Estinien.

“Alphinaud, I…” Estinien shivers under Alphinaud’s hands. “I. I love you too.”

Alphinaud was already fairly certain, but hearing the words sends a rush of warmth through him, and he feels lighter than air.

**Author's Note:**

> Title comes from a song from the Heavensward OST by the same name.
> 
> Note on my WoL: I had originally intended to give her a normal first and last name of my own creation, but when I started playing my friend told me to try the name generator just to see what weird ass names Roegadyn get, and it generated the coolest goddamn name in history and I knew I could never find anything more awesome than Rampaging Star, so I just kept it.


End file.
